Noemi’s Blog

I am getting ready for bed; it was just an exhausting day today.  Francis isn’t talking to me; it seems like he is even ignoring me.  Virgil, I’m just unsure of what he is all about.  He is constantly looking at me like he can read my mind, like he is really in my dreams, and he is making himself come to me in my dreams and he thinks it’s funny, cute, and cleaver.  He doesn’t know that I am on to him and this wicked, deteriorating, stale, and moldy house of his.  The walls breathe, they watch you, they listen to your every word, forget every word they hear your every thought.  It’s such a wicked place I cannot wait to leave.

 I don’t like having to leave Catalina, but she is the one that married into the Doyle family not I.  I thought I could rescue her, that she would want to be rescued.  Then I see her, and she acts like she is content here, that nothing really goes on, she was just sick with TB and that is all, and she is feeling better now.  I know she feels different than the way she is acting, I just can never get her alone long enough for her to open up to me, I mean really open up to me.  Every time we are alone it seems like someone always interrupts us with something, lunch, cookies, or whatever else they can think of.  When I say “They” I am talking about Virgil, and Florence.  I can’t stand that she has so much control over Catalina, she is my cousin, she has no right, wait yes she does because Virgil Doyle gives it to her that right, that’s why she has control.  When Florence isn’t around controlling, Virgil is doing it.  Poor, poor Francis, he is stuck here……with all the strangeness, the wickedness, the silence, the musty smell, my God it must be terrible.  I know he doesn’t see a way out, and that is no way to live.  Not for him, not for Catalina, not for me, the only ones that deserve to live that way are the Doyle’s and Florence.

I do not want to go to bed tonight.  If I do, I am scared that I will have another one of those dreams, at least I think it was a dream.  Although it seemed so real.  Then I saw Virgil, he made me think it wasn’t a dream, it seemed like somehow, he knew, he knew what happened in my dream.  He wasn’t even surprised when I sleepwalked into his room.  He didn’t find that strange? It was almost like he was waiting for me.  Like he knew I would be coming.  Well enough about that, I am going to have a cigarette, that last one in this forbidden house of theirs.  I’ll smoke my cigarette than maybe at that time I can actually lay down and get some sleep.  Hopefully, without gold mushrooms, a golden lady, and for sure without Virgil coming on to me the way he did.  It made me feel so dirty after.  Maybe it was because it felt so right.  Every time he touched me; I could feel it all thorough my body.  Like an electric shock but it felt good.  Then I would remember who it was that was touching me, because that voice kept telling me “open your eyes Noemi” and it was just wrong for me to feel this way.  It was so wrong of him to come into my room, into my dream, or whatever it was and make me feel the way he did.  Is he feeling that way about me?  Oh no how that would hurt Catalina so much.  Stop Noemi, stop thinking that way.  I would never settle down with an ass like Virgil.  No man will ever control me, no man ever.  I am too strong of a woman for a man like Virgil.  He couldn’t handle a woman like me not now, not in my dreams, not ever.